Because pitchforks are just too damn heavy for us to throw at you, we instead choose to unfurl nothing but love and choose to do life with you - the woman whose loved one wears the label ‘sex offender’.
We’re the sort who will invite you over for takeout and Netflix. (Even if you’re in pajamas.)
Maybe you just need a cup of coffee and a pep rally with us before you brave the day.
Or perhaps you crave some late-night compassion and empathy over how shitty this whole mess is.
However you show up, our door is wide open to you.
Whether you are choosing to stay with him or have doubts that you can stay; you belong in this place like comforting carbs, Pinterest, and a good lipstick.
Discover you’re not as alone in the struggle as you may think (or feel).
Many moms, girlfriends, and wives find themselves living in this tangled story.
Let us join you in yours.
Offender’s Wife is a private online group cultivating connection for women to be heard and seen while living life with a son, boyfriend, or husband who is listed on the sex offender registry.
Regardless of religion, background, the decision of staying or leaving him - we enthusiastically invite these brave hearts to not go it alone.
Want to know more? Check out the Nitty Gritty.
Have questions? Connect with us here.
You are running on empty - or close to it.
You need the fuel of connection again.
But you're not so sure if you really want it.
The little things of trust and people leave you feeling nothing but slimy, gross, ass-kicking fear.
The kind of fear that wants you just to huddle in the house with a spoon, a gallon of ice cream, and never speak to anyone ever again.
After all living like a hermit isn't so bad? Food can be ordered from Amazon these days, right?!
Punches in the gut with the fists of blame and shame hurt like hell.
You're exhausted of the hurt and bruises left from those punches.
This life with the label drains, paralyzes, and leaves you feeling like the pariah of society.
You just want your kids to get invited to a birthday party without a ruckus, right?!
Or perhaps not have signs put in the front yard to shame everyone who lives at your house
or visits the house on Christmas Day. (Florida, what are you thinking?!)
We get it. And we get you.
No matter what feel you are facing today, you belong here.
Your belonging in this space isn't contingent on if your guy did the least of the worst or the worst of the worst. Because unfortunately, ALL who experience the label are treated as the worst of the worst - regardless of the details.
You are seen. You are heard. And all of your guts are loved.
Show up. Even while shaking.
We're waiting for you.
Here’s the essentials:
The Community is simple and private. It’s only for the moms, girlfriends, sisters, and wives of accused/convicted sex offenders. We keep our space private for obvious reasons. Yet also because who wants to give their Aunt a front seat to the spilling of your guts for her to only bring it up to the whole family over Thanksgiving dinner?!
The platform we utilize is Facebook’s secret group option. It’s worked the best for us since we started and is the only platform we currently use to cultivate community.
We have you all excited like you won the lotto, right?
Or perhaps scared shitless.
Don't worry. All 100+ of us were nervous when we joined.
Ready to move in? U-Haul your courageous self over here.
And any questions you have can be owl dropped to us here.
The Nitty Gritty
One | We fully accept you - a woman whose loved one wears the label of 'sex offender'. No half-ass, conditional inclusion in this place. We see beyond society’s (and sometimes even your own) understandable fears into the worth of every heartbeat. Least of the worst or worst of the worst. It doesn't matter to us where your loved one lands. Choosing to stay with him? Considering to leave him? Regardless, you belong here like cheesecake, tacos, Pinterest, and Netflix marathons.
Two | We extend dignity to all who are affected by the label. Dignity is not conditional. Dignity is not a luxury. Dignity is not earned. Dignity is for every human being - regardless of behaviors or circumstances.
Three | We rouse each other out from isolation to live our own story with a vulnerability and an honesty that is not always popular. In other words, you are not alone in putting your guts out there. We do it ourselves and are here to stand with you when the doors to the arena open for you to show up. Because of our unique focus, we know Offender’s Wife is not the perfect fit for every woman affected by the label. We will make mistakes. We will fail at making everyone happy. And that's all ok.
Four | We fiercely believe your voice matters. So we offer a pretty grand space for you to hear the voice of others while sharing (and learning to share) your own core beat. It's called The Community. And you just might want to check it out.
Five | We will never engage in bringing down an individual - regardless of their opinions on registrants and their families. The cycle of ridicule and retaliation has to end at some point. We've decided to wear our big girl boots in rising to the occasion.
Six | We love deep. We love without any agendas or underlying motives. We see people as people - not projects. There just isn’t enough wine in the world for us to make attempts at fixing anyone. Besides, we don’t view you as broken. At the same time, we will not pander to you. We have way too much love for you to do that.
Seven | We stand with you no matter what. Showing empathy doesn’t requires us to have all the answers or to have gone through identical walks. (You really don’t want to try on our shoes and we don’t want to try on yours. It’s kinda like bowling shoe rentals. Gross.) We don’t even have to agree with you to stand with you. (How fabulously freeing is that?!) We release ourselves and each other from the BS idea (and expectation) that we can only show support when we have all the answers or when we agree with each other in everything.
Eight | We choose to no longer live out of the victim role. Instead we dare to grab life by the ladyballs and live out of our messy, fierce courage - even while shaking. The victim role only holds us back and limits us more than those crazy Black Friday deals. (Seriously, retailers. Have more than two flat screens available on Friday morning.)
Nine | We are all about supporting your choice in how to respond to his choices. Whether you stay with him or leave him, we will support you. We are all about you, your core beat, and supporting you in the decisions you work towards while embracing your wholeness.
Ten | We do not and will not ever condone abuse in any form. Abuse is a hell no one deserves to experience. Abuse is wrong. Abuse must stop. You will find we are compassionate towards both sides and through our lens we choose to see only one side - people. People who are hurting. People who need support.
And to answer the big bonus question :
“Why do you not offer anything for the victim?” We feel there are fantastic resources and support for victims so there is no need for us to reinvent the wheel. This allows us to remain focused on offering unique support to those who have so very little support - the family of the former offender.
We love what we do and what we offer in this space. However, let’s give a group nod to the fact we are not a licensed psychologist, health care professional, legal eagle, or even Oprah. Our nourishing cup of community, insight, and ears ready to listen is not to replace the care of legit psychologists, other healthcare professionals, or legal eagles who know what Section 101.25 Code 141 means.(Though we do own a pretty impressive brown leather sofa, thankyouverymuch.)
Abuse is a hell no one deserves to experience. Abuse is wrong. Abuse must stop while also being prevented to occur. We do not and will not ever condone or conceal abuse of any form. You will find we are compassionate towards both sides and through our lens we choose to see only one side - people. People who are hurting. People who need support. People who can fully live beyond their labels of 'offender', 'victim', and 'collaterally damaged'.
The Community is made up of women who are moms/girlfriends/wives of those labeled as a 'sex offender'. Its purpose is to give space for women to belong. Our place is simply a resource in addition to any care you are in the process of obtaining or currently under. We are not doctors, professional counselors, or lawyers. We are not to replace any counseling/professional help you are receiving. Please seek professional legal counsel for all legal questions.
If you are feeling suicidal thoughts, please please please reach out to someone physically located near you or contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255.
We are a completely private and confidential community. We can not be viewed by the general public and every member is committed to maintaining confidentially. However, please be aware that if you are in the middle of a pending case, current laws in place allow law enforcement to access any communications you have via phone/internet at any time - including communications through private communities/discussion forums located anywhere on the Internet.
With this information, comes the standard eye-glaze inducing disclaimer that, no, we cannot actually guarantee the outcomes of the support we offer and/or any recommendations. By visiting this site, joining The Community, and/or engaging our team, you’re essentially signing a contract that says you understand we make no guarantees with our support, and you won’t try to sue or report us to the Obama administration.
Because that? Would be oh so very awkward.
Questions? Contact us here.